coffee off the clock is a weekly column full of musings on life since i left my 9-5, and building a life around writing. join me for a coffee every week and follow my journey!

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remember i said majd and i are yin and yang? well, i annoy him at night time with all sorts of silly songs i’ve made up & memes i’ve discovered. then he gets revenge on me the next morning when he gets up for work. him and bee sing to each other, and only one of them has a voice of angel (i’ll let you guess who 😆).

when majd rises, the whole house must rise with him and join his mongolian choir (he’s got a thing for mongolian throat singing, don’t ask! 😭). it’s no easy feat trying to match his bouncy ball energy when you’re still trying to come to.

so anyway, i pried myself from the duvet to giggle with him this morning and i knew i still had coffee off the clock to write. i clipped back my fringe. splashed my face with cold water. pulled on some leggings that bunch at the bottom because they are far too long for my little legs.

i pottered outside to feed my pigeons, and made myself my morning coffee. i took bee out from his cage and let him fly rampant around the house before washing him some mint and coriander to nibble on. and finally, with my coffee, i snuck up to my cosy tower, lowered the blinds and popped on a soft orange lamp. it’s time to write.

since i last wrote to you reader, i’ve caught up with my best friend in glasgow, attended my soon to be sister-in-law’s beautiful baby shower and celebrated with the writing group the completion of our community anthology. it’s been a week full of hearty belly laughter and joy. and reader, above all, it’s been a long time, perhaps even the first time, that i’ve felt a deep sense of belonging with the people around me. i don’t think 24 year-old ailsa would’ve believed the way her life unfolded after taking the leap.

after i left my job, naturally there were a lot of people that dwindled out of my life, not by force or friction, but by the flow of circumstance. in november 2023, i was surrounded by a huge crowd of people in a hired room in the record factory in glasgow for my birthday. but i could hardly tell you a thing about any of them. back then, i just liked to be liked. now, i just like to be honest.

by february 2024, i had moved back to bute to live with my parents. and that move did a lot of necessary weeding in my life, in every area. my job. my flat. my friends. every shoddy foundation built upon the life i thought i wanted, crumbled beneath me. and there’s a lot of grief that comes with that, but also a lot of breathing room. a clean slate. a new place to build from. and this time, it was from somewhere honest.

so to sit in the places i’ve sat this week, with the people i’ve sat with, and feel wholly and joyfully present, reader, it has shone a blinding light on how the work you do will ripple into every aspect of your life. when i decided to pursue my calling, it didn’t just transform my career, it transformed my relationships. some ended while others flourished. some people thought i was batshit crazy. stupid, even. some thought i was reckless and naive…and funniest of all, some thought i was ‘lost’, when i had never been more found. it won’t surprise you that they don’t have a seat at my table anymore.

what’s more important to me is that i’m surrounded by the some who thought i was brave and courageous. the some who believe deeply in me and the work i’m doing. some who invest in me. encourage, inspire and challenge me. and like a flower, i’ll continue to bloom because my soil is nourished. it’s no longer contaminated by the all-too-common pollutants of ‘get a real job’ and ‘writing is just a hobby’ or the sarcastic jabs of ‘must be nice to sit at home and do nothing’.

how many people have stress related illnesses from work-related stress? it’s always made me laugh that everyone proclaims health is wealth until you take time off work and inconvenience a company. or leave your job and you’ve ‘gone mad’. as a chronic migraine sufferer and epileptic, following my calling has done wonders for my health. neither of those things affect me very much anymore.

i remember phoning up the gp, preparing to show the job centre the stark contrast of my medical records from when i was at my old job, compared to what was then a year of self-employment. a huge gap in gp visits due to an increase in my wellbeing. from a woman who spent most weeks with a migraine, back pains & constant doctor visits, to a woman who forgot the name of her practice because it had been so long since she needed to attend.

take your passion & make it happen. reader, i truly believe we all have a calling and a vocation. and the key to it, the absolute seed of it, resides in your childhood. the things you used to love before they were bullied out of you. the thing that made you sparkle before it was dimmed. and i hope that wherever you are in your life, that you find your way back to it from a life full of ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’ and ‘musts’. part of why i write these weekly columns is to document a process i’m still encountering and uncovering. it’s been 2 years since i left my job and i’m still in the process of becoming.

my way is not the way. i only hope it reminds you that there is a way.

– ailsa x