coffee off the clock is a weekly column full of musings on life since i left my 9-5, and building a life around writing. join me for a coffee every week and follow my journey!

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one moment i’m twiddling my thumbs in the living room, wondering how life got so quiet. all that needs done has been done. all that i need to be, i’m being. and in that quiet, vast space of the living room floor, i’m left face to face and knee to knee with myself in the mirror i’ve been painting.

the next moment, my weekends are filling up with little plans here and there and i’m wondering how i’m going to do it all. i even had to make a google calendar. i’ve not had to use a calendar in two years, reader. what’s that saying? you wait ages for a bus and then two come at once, something like that. that’s been my week.

i’ve stuck to last week’s mantra: keep moving, keep playing. 16,000 imperfect words of my book have been written. a mirror beaming with imperfect pastel flowers against a deep wine backdrop have been painted. a poem that struck me at dusk was delivered. and amongst all these acts of my vivacious inner world, i still have to be present in my outer. also below is me in what i’ve now called my ‘feeling better sweater’ because every time i put it on…guess what? i feel better. anyway…

the next few weeks involve meeting with friends & family over good food, music and conversations, some in a language that i don’t fully understand (but you best believe i’ll be practicing my assalamu alykums and shloniks). why did majd have to speak one of the hardest languages to learn? 😭

but he is forgiven because in spite of the uncertainty this month, he of course, as he always does, spoiled me with brunch today. and we returned to wisteria & co because the french toast is unlike any either of us have had before. yes, i’ve gotten majd to come over to the dark, sugary side – it’s sweeter over here 🍓.

i got the berry french toast again and he tried the tiramisu one which he adored. he gave hugeee compliments to the chef because, as a patisserie chef himself 👨‍🍳, he was amazed by how they layered the brioche! i wasn’t even going to write to you about the coffee because it’s too predictable, but in case you’re new, it’s rare i deviate from a hazelnut latte. majd had an oat milk cortado, tho. what a cool guy.

so yes, a lovely little week despite my growing frustration with the changing scottish weather, monotony and not knowing whether i’m coming or going. such is life. the evenings have been the best for me this week. i’ll go out my long walks by the clyde, read my book and then stick on a film.

like listening to my records, i’ve been getting back into films again. i know i’m late to the party but i watched don’t worry darling for the first time and i’m sorry but harry styles, please don’t do that ever again 😭🙏. he actually took me out of the film so much with some of his dialogue and acting. was lowkey more disturbing than the plot. and if i’m a hater, so be it.

but honestly, i loved that film more than i thought i would. then, that feeling caused me a false sense of hope. because the next day i put on it ends with us and i wished it was called it ends within the first 5 minutes. it was so bad that when majd came home from work, i had to re-enact it on stage (my living room floor), costumes and all (a blanket draped over me), to him and bee so i didn’t have to technically go through it alone. i don’t have room to hate much in my life, so let film be my one safe shadowy outlet.

anyway, not a week of philosophical revelations but an accumulation of small moments that make me realise how imperfectly human i am, and i just… keep… on keeping on. hate the scene i’m writing? keep going. hate the flowers i’ve painted? keep going. hate the film i’m watching? torture your fiancé with a 5 minute re-enactment, and then keep going. get your feet up off the ground, live a little, get around. 🎶

until next week reader, may all your coffees remind you that because you’re so imperfectly human, you must keep going. you haven’t got to the good part yet! 🥰

– ailsa x