coffee off the clock is a weekly column full of musings on life since i left my 9-5, and building a life around writing. join me for a coffee every week and follow my journey!

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oh reader, you couldn’t script it. as i was beginning to type this in the garden, a bird flew overhead and pooped on me. i’m a veteran of this kind of thing, though, thanks to bee. and do you know what? it’s nice to know i’m well established in the bird world as a toilet 😌. and of course, the ever-hopeful superstitious lady that i am, i’m going to take this as a sign of good luck.

i was back leading writing classes again on monday and oh how i missed my group. i know i’ve got a solid sense of community when people don’t want to leave; when conversations are high spirited, free-flowing and we’re running over time. when one of your participants comes to you with their first ever manuscript for their first ever book. these are the things that fulfil me. a cup that’s overflowing.

i remember my first 4 weeks doing these, terrified that i wouldn’t have enough content to fill the session. terrified of blank space, loud silence and misalignment. scared that my teachings wouldn’t land. that my insights were too controversial & not institutional or traditional enough. but i stuck to my intuition and my authenticity. each weekly topic revealing itself the week before in small glimmers of inspiration: in a book i found, a video i was watching or even from the shower!

we’re 9 months on since the first ever trial class and i couldn’t be more proud of how it’s evolved. writing has become more than writing. i think the group has all collectively understood that writing is the craft and the tool for something bigger that they’re all discovering about themselves.

in fact, i’d prepared an entire 26 slide deck about campbell’s hero’s journey and how so many great stories follow this cycle & how they can write their own stories using this. but reader, it became more than that. we were able to map each other’s experiences against it. a group member was able to line up their recent solo travel experience against this cycle. i’m teaching them to recognise themselves within this journey too.

anyway, at the risk of sounding too philosophical and soppy (which i already have a rep for anyway lol), i’ll write to you about other things in my life. “i did my tarot today and i got the 4 of swords, the star and the hermit. majd, i really need to rest,” i said at the door with one earphone in and a backpack on, about to go for my big walk. another scenario you couldn’t script. you can imagine majd’s face as i said this, waving him goodbye. i always know the remedy but am rarely prepared to swallow it.

i did two weeks of watching jack osbourne’s paranormal shows, playing hayday, doing crosswords, de-weeding our garden and reading my book. i slept deep, deep sleeps and dreamed wild, wild dreams. the weirdest one was eating cream cakes with assad in rothesay pavilion before there was a missile attack, where i then fled to japan. what is with the east in my dreams?

if you read last week’s column, you’ll know pakistan made a debut. did i mention that carl jung would have a field day with me? so, yes, god forbid a woman (who should be writing her book) procrastinates a little by deep cleaning the house for the third time or goes on unnecessarily long walks.

speaking of my long walks, i walked with a feeling i couldn’t shake: the inevitability that things were changing in my life. i feel like the world has already been showing me that they have been since confronting this book. the dreams of caterpillars & butterflies. the way i drew a triangle with a circle in it inside my notebook during an active imagination session, to then seeing that exact symbol carved on a tree while out my walk that same day.

i can’t explain it any other way than having developed a stronger sense of ‘self’ and a centre that can now ‘hold’. my writing classes and the way i’ve stuck to leading them are a perfect example of that: don’t do what everybody else is doing. dare to do something a little different. a little more… you. trust that the right people will find you.

reading women who run with the wolves has been equally as enlightening and i’m developing a deeper understanding with the ‘wild woman’ within. if you’ve been following along my journey through these columns, you’ll know that ‘domestic vs wild’ has been a common theme running through my life, a tension i was holding within myself. i think i’m finally finding the middle way. as i sat by the river clyde, staring out onto the cranes and landscape to my right, i was reminded once again, of the cold, industrial world that i’d left. to rip off those corporate chains – that took a wild woman. to sing and dance during the disastrous storms of my life, where everything seemed to fall to shit around me – that took a wild woman.

listening to rhiannon by fleetwood mac by that river after committing to this book, i knew i’d come to understand that in me lived a wild woman and she’s singing a little louder, shining a little brighter. so much for moving away from philosophy and being soppy 🥲. it’s that stronger sense of self i’ve got now – it can’t be evaded!

i’ve reached the 10,000 words milestone on my novel and i’ve been mapping out a timeline and plan for the plot as i go. each of these tasks informing the other. i’ve got virtual sticky notes everywhere, planting seeds and making sure i close every loop by the time the book is done. and today, while the weather’s been beautiful, i’ve done my morning pages and am now enjoying writing this column in my freshly de-weeded garden. see, procrastination does pay off sometimes!

and of course, it’s an at-home iced vanilla latte kind of day, with an aldi’s peach. aldi does the best fruit, especially strawberries. and am i on my second coffee of the day? i absolutely am. will i pay for this at bed time when i’m wide eyed and wondering when referees were introduced into football and thinking about the time i met the chuckle brothers in a photobooth in stirling & asked them to leave so me & my friend could get a picture, not realising who they were and why they were there? yes. the brain chatter is how i’ll pay off this debt. unless i go on another long procrastinating walk to burn it all off😌.

anyway, until next week reader may all your coffees be enjoyed ice cold and getting pooped on by a bird in your garden (just for good luck!) 😎

– ailsa x